The first attachment is basically the advocacy letter assignments what the professor is asking for. and the second attachment is the letter i wrote and the comments she left me after she gave me a grade.
the link below, she suggested us to read it before writing the letter. I guess to have an idea of an advocate letter.
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The link below The links below will give you forms of business letters and clear instructions for writing them.
please let me know if you have any questions! THANK YOU
this is for Catherine Owens
CHILD ADVOCACY LETTER For this assignment, you must choose a very specific (i.e. narrow) child advocacy issue that is important to you and write a 1 to 2 page letter that you believe will influence your chosen target. This is a practical assignment; you will send your letter to your target, either by postal mail or as an attachment to an email. The following steps are suggested for thinking through this assignment: 1. Think about your subject(s), and a specific problem facing them; don’t forget that this is a child advocacy class and that your focus must be on a child advocacy issue; 2. Consider ONE practical step that you believe would prove effective in working towards resolving this problem. a. Describe this action precisely; b. Explain how and why it will help resolve the problem you have described; c. Consider the arguments against your suggestion and try to forestall them. d. Don’t forget that this is a very short letter. Do not attempt to solve all of the world’s problems 3. Determine who your target is. In other words, who has the power to put into action the step that you are recommending? If your target is an organization, determine to which individual you will actually send the letter; 4. Carefully consider the tone of your letter. a. You do not want to insult or alienate your target, b. Nor should you assume they are ignorant or unintelligent. c. However, if you have strong feelings about your topic, you want to find a way to express them that is not alienating. d. Your want your target to respond positively to your idea e. What tactics and arguments will this particular target respond to? Be sure that your letter is in proper business letter format. (see example on Canvas under Learning Units) Your first page should include a heading with the date and all identifying information for you and your target (including your target’s title). Your letter should be single spaced, double-spaced between each paragraph. Ideally, your letter will be no more than one page. You may want to reference research or other sources, but your letter should not include citations Once your letter has been graded, you may rewrite it in order to make it more effective and receive a higher grade. Generally, people who do rewrites shortly after receiving my comments tend to get higher grades than those who delay for long periods of time. Your letter will be graded based on the following criteria: Advocacy issues: Accurate advocacy triangle including appropriate target Appropriate tone Specific, Concrete suggestion for action Writing and Structure Analysis of the problem and your proposed solution Anticipate and respond to objections. Students who do not do as well as they had hoped on this assignment generally have run into more or more of the following issues: The topic is too large. (e.g. the importance of good nutrition rather than specific concerns about the school lunches at your local elementary school. The problem of gun violence, rather than the need for a stronger police presence at a specific park) The financial reality is glossed over. Especially if you are dealing with schools, if you suggest spending money on a program, that means some other program will have to be cut. Simply saying that your suggestion is important is not an adequate analysis. The letter is not reviewed and edited. While a first draft may contain lots of good ideas, it is generally not carefully written or organized (both in terms of the letter as a whole and your individual paragraphs). It is also hard to get your tone right without thoughtful revision. Please feel free to post any questions you may have about this assignment on our logistical discussion board.
this is for Catherine Owens
Lizeth Yeneic 121 E. 1st ave. Roselle, New Jersey 07203 May 30, 2017 Sr. Craig Messmer Principal Leonard V. Moore Middle School 720 Locust St. Roselle, New Jersey 07203 Dear Principal Messmer: I am writing to you to address this ongoing issue that have been taking place in the classrooms of your school. English language learners are being victims of bullying. Different cultural behaviors and foreign accents are made fun of in school and the school needs to improve their education system to protect foreign children from being bullied. As a foreign student, I have experienced being bullied verbally and emotionally when I attended your school for not being able to speak the language and witnessed my teachers doing nothing to prevent it. Instead, sometimes I would feel being a target to my teachers. My teachers would ask me questions in front of everyone and I would simple not answer because I could not understand the question or I would not talk because I was too afraid that my classmate would make fun of me. My teachers would think that I did not study or I just did not want to participate in class when in reality I had no clue what they were talking about. In addition, this causes me academic failures, not wanting to go to school and feeling depressed all the time. My self-esteem was very low and I felt excluded from everybody else. I was a child that did not know I was being a victim and never seek for help. Now I am here to advocate for all these foreign children who are suffering from bullying. I would like to see some changes in the school system in regards of bullying specially towards foreign children. Principal Messmer, I felt my own teachers targeted me. How about informing all teachers of any new foreign children coming into school to help them transition to the classroom? If teachers are aware of the new student in class that does not speak the language, I believe teacher will minimize their questions since these children are learning a new language. Also, teachers need to spend more time with these children to help them improve academically. ESL teachers must encourage students to talk about any incidents that they feel they are being victims of bullying. ESL teachers should not only teach students English as a second language but also teach them about bullying. Practicing with their first language if is possible, role-play with another student, draw pictures, etc. but teaching them when to speak and seek for help. I did not know I was being bullied because I was never taught about this matter in any of my classes. Most of these children are being bullied when they are alone. ESL Teachers should encourage other classmates to assist another classmate when they are in need of help. This could also go for all teachers as well. I felt excluded sometimes because I was alone in the classrooms. Due to being alone, I felt depressed and I had low self-esteem. ESL teachers can also have these children writing positive statements to themselves in their primary language as part of bullying class to remind them that is not their fault for being victims, that they are good people and deserve to be happy. In conclusion Principal Messmer, I hope these few ideas can help improve the bullying education in your school and minimize this problem especially to foreign children. We have to make them feel welcome and at home, not to make them feel less than someone else. These children are our future and we all need to work together to make it a free bullying environment for them. Sincerely, Lizeth Yeneic COMMENTS FROM PROFESSOR: This very moving letter would make an excellent basis for your Child Within Paper. Here, however, it does not fulfill the requirements of this assignment, which is to write a one page letter that considers a very narrow problem and offers one specific, concrete solution. Here, instead, you describe a whole array of complex problems and some vague solutions. I would love to see you take this latter and narrow it down. The issues you discuss are so important, and your passion really adds to your letter. Leave space for a signature, even though you may not actually sign this. Advocacy Concepts You have not described one narrow issue You have not offered one specific solution You do not seem to be attempting to get your target on board with your plan. instead, you are harsh and critical throughout. I understand that you must be true to your authentic voice, and that you have a right to express your anger. However, if you alienate your target hei sunlikely to follow your suggestion, or even finish reading your letter.. Your tone and content seem to imply that your target is not very bright, or not knowledgeable or does not know much about the matter at hand. This can be seen as insulting. Analysis: Your use of your personal experience is extremely powerful. however, you also need supporting research and experts You have not carefully explained the advocacy action you are suggesting You have not explained how you know that this action will help to solve the problem You have not considered the objections that are likely to be made You have not realistically considered how this will be paid for. Style Your sentences frequently have unnecessary language You don’t need to tell your target that you are writing to them – they know that. You don’t need to put your name in the body of your letter – they should know it from your contact info. Too often you put the focus on yourself, rather than the issue (see highlighting) Your writing contains many cliches that are not effective for strong, convincing advocacy.